A Guide to French Cultural Etiquette (from an Anglo-Saxon perspective)

Written as part of Paris Culture Week for our Love Paris campaign

The French can be divided into two groups – those who openly love and admire Anglos, and those who secretly love and admire Anglos (but act as if they don’t care whether you live or die).

Here are a few cultural tips to help you on your stay in Paris, obviously far from exhaustive…

Eating out

Are you dining here?  Well, a “menu” is not a menu.  It’s actually a formula to order entrée and main course, or main course and dessert, or all three if you’re flush.  The menu is actually called “la carte.”

Ladies, don’t pour your own wine. I’m not kidding you – this is serious stuff.

If “un café” is part of your “menu,” don’t expect to get one with the option for milk.  Un café will turn out to be an espresso.  So if you want a longer version with room for milk, order it separately – un café crème (less milk) or un café au lait (more milk).

And when you ask “Où sont les toilettes?” (ooo sown lay twa-let?) don’t be surprised if the Men’s and Ladies Room are one and the same.  Or if a man is using a urinal in the Ladies Room. Or if you have to pay to use it and it’s still dirty.

When it’s time to settle the account, signal the waiter by miming the writing of a check and say (or mouth) the words for “check please.” That’s “L’addition, s’il vous plaît.”  (Lah-dee-syown, sill vou play).

Shopping

Are you shopping here? Make sure to say “Bonjour Madame” or “Bonjour Monsieur” when you enter a store. In fact, never ever start any sort of conversation (even asking for directions or shouting for an ambulance because you’re bleeding out) without first saying Bonjour Monsieur or Madame.

When you leave a store, say good day to everyone. (Mixed crowds would be Bonne Journée Messieurs-Dames and just ladies would be Mesdames (May-dahm), just guys Messieurs (May-syuh).

Saying hello

Same goes for elevators. Can you believe that you say a general bonjour when you step onto (even a crowded) elevator? And you say good day or good evening when you get off. This was a shock for a former New Yorker like me, where you never say anything in an elevator, except in a hushed voice to someone you know.

By the way, Bonjour does not mean “Hello.” It means “Good Day.” So if you greet someone at night, you must say, Bonsoir, which means “Good Evening.”  And when you leave them, it’s Au revoir in the workplace, Bonne journée if it’s still daylight, Bonne soirée if it’s at night and Bonne nuit only if you are intimate.

At work

Here for business? The French greet every single person upon entering their place of business – kisses for the women (“bisous” is pronounced bee-zoo) and handshakes for the men. You will be expected to do the same if you are working here even for a short time. And when you first meet people, let them lead the way in giving kisses or shaking hands and in saying the informal “tu” versus the formal “vous.”

Coffee breaks are social times. No bringing a mug back to your desk to sip while you work. Nope. You all go together like birds of a feather. Same thing for lunches. No unwrapping a sandwich at your desk. You are expected to go with your co-workers or you will be considered unsocial.

However, as social as you are in the workplace, it takes about ten years for a French person to consider you a friend. Before that you are just an acquaintance. Of course there are exceptions to this rule, but Americans tend to think – “hey a stranger is just a friend I haven’t met yet.”  A French person will think, “euh – if I invite you into my home once, I’ll be stuck with you forever and you could turn out to be a psychopath.”

And that is a mistake the French are not likely to make until they are sure they care whether you live or die.

Want to win a trip to Paris? Like us on Facebook to enter our Love Paris giveaway (to September 30th 2011). The prize includes a Paris hotel stay and activity for two, plus £150/€170 travel vouchers to make the return journey.

About the author: Lady Jennie blogs at A Lady in France

Flickr images, with thanks: 1 2 3

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